Unitary Plan should specify minimum car sizes

One can’t help but feel that the debate over the Unitary Plan overlooked one very important question: Should we look to increase the minimum car size in Auckland? We suggest that Auckland Council should act now to protect the Kiwi way of life and stop unscrupulous vehicle investors from crushing their traditional family cars and downsizing to “shoebox” hatchbacks, even if it leaves them better off.

Such vehicle down-sizing is, obviously, “anti-family” for anyone else who may, at some point in the future, unwittingly decide to steal and/or buy the shoebox hatchback.

International experience states that the minimum standard vehicle size should be four seats plus 3m³ of luggage space for a sedan or station wagon, and five seats plus 5m³ luggage space for all other vehicles. Leather interiors, heated seats and drop down DVD players are considered the minimum acceptable standard overseas, and these are all features of large cars. For this reason we suggest that hatchbacks, two doors, two-seater cars with small boots, and motorcycles are given “non-complying” activity status, and banned from all areas – except small parts of the CBD where immigrants live.

This minimum car size would ensure the average kiwi family could choose any car in the city to load up for a family barbeque. Peer-reviewed research has conclusively demonstrated that BBQs are in intrinsic part of every Aucklanders lifestyle. Making small cars non-complying would ensure that everyone has access to this default lifestyle, and this lifestyle only.

This from the Council’s Unitary Plan website:

We want Auckland’s new cars to help make the city more attractive, and for future generations to look back with pride on the vehicles from this time. The feedback we’ve had from a number of people (n = 7) that Aucklanders don’t oppose cars … they simply oppose small cars. And we agree. That’s why we need to set a minimum size, to prevent them being ugly. Yeah.

Our own survey of AC staff shows that large cars are enjoyed by families (n = 3) who have a longer-term connection to their city, because they are immobilised by the fear of disrupting their children’s lives. In Auckland we are committed to strengthening our communities and locking people down into family sized cars – we think it’s an essential part of creating the world’s most liveable city. We need big cars.

We agree. The recent history of cars in Auckland clearly demonstrates just how bad small cars can be. Cramped conditions, noisy, poor ventilation and bad access to natural light. Students drive them, especially international students, and we don’t really want them in our city. Quite obviously these issues are caused by the small size of the car, and making small cars illegal is the most obvious and logical way to solving these design issues.

Small, cheap, and nasty cars are also commonplace in slums. You can see them out rusting on the unmowed berms. We don’t like slums so the fact is a minimum car size is necessary to stop slums occurring.

Beyond the slum issue there are many other reasons for regulating minimum car sizes. Health and wellbeing is number one. We don’t have any research on this topic but of course everyone knows that small spaces are bad for your health, and a small car limits your ability to engage with the outdoors. Consider the psychological trauma of driving so close to the person next to you. I mean yuck, nobody could live a happy and healthy life with such “chicken coop” driving conditions.

That’s why we supply the Council enacting policies to safeguard people from injury or loss of amenity caused by inadequate vehicular activity space.

And the traffic. Smaller cars take up less space, which means more of them on the road at the same time. QED small cars equals more traffic! Preventing gridlock is another great reason for banning small cars. After all, it has been confirmed time and time again that gridlock costs Auckland one billion dollars p.a. Enacting a minimum vehicle size in Auckland would almost one billion dollars a year; it must be worth it – even if we have to trample on people’s freedom of choice in the meantime.

People who advocate small cars are obviously childless and hate families. Have they ever tried putting a toddler into a carseat in the back of a two door Corolla? How can you load up a Suzuki Swift with all the luggage for a family camping trip? It’s impossible, so we have to ban these sorts of vehicles to protect our families and our way of life. Of course some people don’t have families yet, but they will soon. The only appropriate way to live is with Mum, Dad and two or three kids. Every car needs to have enough room for a large family because people only every own one car their whole lives and we all have a family sooner or later. Changing cars to suit changing needs is simply not an option for any real New Zealanders. You only get one. Ever.

Now some of you may say “but wait, small cars are affordable to buy and cheap to run, and some people only need a small car”.

Well you are wrong, it is a false economy. Real affordability isn’t about the purchase price or the running costs, it’s about the emotional value other people place on the car that you drive. Allowing our poorer citizens to cram themselves into tiny shoebox cars isn’t real affordability. Even those on a fixed budget deserve to be forced to pay for car-space. Really no one like us in their right mind would ever choose a compact affordable hatchback, so banning small cars won’t negatively affect anyone.

While I’ve never owned a small car or even been in one, I do have a number of friends who have small cars. And I can tell they want a bigger car. Who wouldn’t? I also read The Herald and I know the truth about small sized vehicles and the damage they do to society. I would never drive one, so nobody else should either. I don’t care what they say, we need to act now. Heavy regulation is essential to protect our freedom to enjoy our lifestyle without other people (usually immigrants) choosing what’s best for them.

Anyone who wants to  let you purchase the right size of car for your needs in an open market is a freedom-hating socialist.

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